Day 2 in the NICU

On our second day in the hospital I woke up early and went straight down to the NICU because I was anxious to see how Eliza was doing.  I was very excited to see when I got there that she had been taken off CPAP during the night and was now just on oxygen!  It was so nice to be able to see more of her face and see that she was already starting to improve.  She had a feeding tube in and they told me that they were hoping to start feeding her more so that they could cut back on her IV.  They did also hear a heart murmur that morning but they told me it could be just a transitional thing that would pass quickly, but it was something else they needed to keep an eye on.

Later that day, while Drew was with her, Eliza pulled out her feeding tube (again) but they were able to put it back in through her nose, rather than her mouth, since she was off CPAP.  She still didn't like it being there but she pulled on it less, which was good.  Eliza also decided that she was ready to have some time awake that evening so we actually got to see both of her eyes open for awhile and it was great to see!  They let her start trying to nurse that evening, which was great, but she wasn't very good at staying awake.  It was hard because she would only eat for about 3-5 minutes before she would be fast asleep and we couldn't wake her up.  At that point they would supplement the rest of her feed through the feeding tube.  It was nice that she could start trying to eat because she needed to be able to do that on her own before we could go home.

It was a little hard having me in the hospital with Eliza while Drew was driving back and forth from home with the boys, but we made it work.  I loved seeing the boys and it was nice having them visit me at the hospital but I felt bad that they couldn't see Eliza.  Alden kept asking to see his sister and was very disappointed that he couldn't.  I did love it when Alden told me "I love Eliza.  Her name is beautiful and so is she."  He loved looking at the pictures on Drew and my phones!  I was so excited for when they could meet since Alden was so excited to be a big brother again.  Anders was really happy to see me in the hospital and enjoyed looking at pictures but it was hard to tell if he was excited about the baby yet since he couldn't see her in person.

At the end of the day I was optimistic in the hope that she would get to go home within a week because she seemed to be improving so quickly.  But I also didn't want to get my hopes up too much, since things can change so quickly in the NICU.

Holding Eliza without her CPAP!  

It was so nice to see her beautiful face without the CPAP mask on.

She slept very peacefully most of the day!

I love all of her hair!

This was Eliza's little corner of the NICU with all of her machines and her giant bed.

I finally got to see her with both eyes open!

Such a sweet little girl!  I just wanted to sit and watch her or hold her the whole time so it was always hard when I had to leave her for a couple hours to eat, pump or do something else.  The hardest time during the day was when I was alone in my hospital room, because it was when my emotions would seem to almost overwhelm me, but at least I was only a two minute walk away from Eliza for now and Drew was only a phone call away.

All exhausted and worn out after trying to eat!

Introducing Eliza!

After months of waiting and wanting to meet our little girl, but also wanting her to wait long enough to be healthy, we finally got to meet her on April 23, 2017.  I went to the hospital around 10 PM on Saturday night after leaving our kids at home with an amazing friend who agreed to spend the night at our house if we were staying at the hospital.  When I got there they told me they weren't sure I was in labor but they would keep me and watch me for awhile.  (That sounds familiar...the same thing happened with Anders)  I was 3 cm dilated when I got there and an hour later they thought I was closer to 4 so they decided to keep me another hour at which point I was 6 cm so they admitted me.  Drew and I were just glad to know whether we were staying or going home because we don't like waiting and not being able to plan.

Once I was admitted they told me they wanted to give me antibiotics through the IV since our baby would be premature to help give our little girl the best chance of being healthy and they wanted my body to have 4 hours for the antibiotics to get in her system.  So, they told me to take it easy, rest and not try to help the labor along.  Apparently my body listened, because within 30 minutes my contractions had eased up and I was barely feeling them at all so I got to sleep for about 4 hours(Weird, right?).  At that point I woke up wondering what had happened to all my contractions and the doctor came in and pretty much asked the same thing.  They decided my body had had enough time to get the antibiotics to the baby so they wanted to break my water.  Once they did that the contractions started coming back and as soon as I got up and did a little walking they progressed quickly and I could quickly feel them getting stronger.  About an hour and a half after they broke my water I was ready to start pushing.  Our sweet little girl arrived at 7:50AM!  She weighed 6 lbs 4.5 oz and was 18.5 inches long.  We named her Eliza Thelma Wilkinson after some of her wonderful, strong, inspirational ancestors.

She was beautiful and precious but it quickly became evident after she was born that she wasn't quite ready to breathe on her own.  I could tell quickly because she was acting the same way Anders had after he was born and he ended up on CPAP.  I had kind-of expected her to have that issue because she was premature, but I had still hoped that miraculously she would come out 100% healthy.  At least she was healthy enough that I got to hold her for a couple minutes before they took her away to the NICU.  As hard as it was to send her to the NICU without me I knew she was going to be okay.  We went through so much to give her the best chance at being healthy and strong and I knew that at 36 weeks she was strong enough to battle whatever challenges she was going to have.  I am so glad that Drew was here for her birth and that he could go with her to the NICU when I couldn't.

Getting to hold her right before they took her to the NICU

It is always hard for me to watch my children struggle, but when they are only a few minutes or hours old it seems harder.  As soon as I could go see Eliza (about an hour and a half after delivery) I had them wheel me down to the NICU.  As soon as I got there I could see she was on CPAP and had an IV and feeding tube.  I recognized the equipment from when I was in the NICU with Anders.  It was hard to see her hooked up to so many machines but at the same time, I am so grateful for modern medicine that helps save so many babies!  I am not sure if it was easier or harder being in the NICU this time versus last but it was different.  This time I understood what things she was hooked up to and how they helped but I also had a better idea of how many things could go wrong.  However, I had also seen Anders grow and develop wonderfully and so I knew that Eliza could too.

The rest of our day was filled with time watching Eliza try to breathe and trying to rest.  Drew went home in the middle of the day to play with the boys some and let our friends watching the kids have a break(I am so grateful to them).  He then came back in the evening to spend a little more time with me and Eliza before going home to spend the night with the boys.  It was hard being in the hospital by myself and not having Eliza in the room but it did mean that I got to sleep a little more and I could go visit her whenever I woke up in the night so that was nice.  By the end of the day I was ready for the next one, when hopefully Eliza would start improving!

Eliza in her bed in the NICU.

Eliza all hooked up to her CPAP, feeding tube and with her IV on her hand.

I got to hold her that evening which was nice, but also hard with all the tubes and monitors on.

My Pregnancy

So, we were very excited to find out we were expecting a little GIRL last December, right before Christmas.  Alden was not very excited at first because he said he wanted another little brother, but he slowly grew to accept the idea of a sister, especially after we let him pick an outfit out for the new baby.  But, he still told me that after she was born he wanted to have a brother and another brother and another brother and another... Yeah, that is not going to happen (especially after this pregnancy) but at least he became excited to have a little sister.  Anders did not really understand that he was going to be a big brother but it was fun to talk to him about it.

Drew and I were really excited to have a daughter joining our family and we have been really excited to meet her for months, but she got a little too excited as well and tried to come a little early.  It turned out that this pregnancy was going to be my hardest yet and really put my body to the test.  My pregnancies have never been easy or pleasant but this one made my others look easy.  I started the pregnancy with 4 months of horrible morning sickness and then just as I was starting to feel reasonable I got horribly sick for a week and a half with food poisoning that put me in the hospital for dehydration.  After I started recovering from that I started having an increased number of contractions and by 30 weeks I was in preterm labor.  At this point my doctor considered hospitalizing me but I asked to stay home so that I didn't have to find all day care for my 2 boys.  So, instead my doctor put me on partial bed rest and some medication to hopefully help stop the contractions and stop me from progressing more.  At this point I was extremely grateful that my mom happened to be in town and was able to stay and help me for a week and a half as I adjusted to the bed rest.

After my mom left I had to adjust because I am usually extremely active and hands on with my kids but, being on bed rest and feeling sick from the medications I was not able to do that.  It was hard for me to accept that as long as I fed my kids and kept them healthy and safe then I was a successful mom.  I had to constantly remind myself that in order to keep our baby girl healthy I HAD to rest. It was okay if my kids watched a ton of TV one day if that was what I had to do to entertain them and rest.  The situation was only temporary and just doing what I needed to survive didn't make me a bad mom.   I was still feeding the kids, keeping them clean and healthy and giving them lots of hugs and kisses and for a little while that was enough.

Alden was a big helper and would help entertain Anders.  Here he was reading to him.

I enjoyed the cuddle time I got with Anders while on bed rest.

Our church community helped out loads as they brought in meals 3 times a week since I couldn't stand in the kitchen for long periods of time to cook.  Drew was also extremely supportive and patient with me.  I felt bad when he would come home from work after a long day and then proceed to play with the kids, help get them in bed, do the dishes and help clean up.  On top of that, he took me to the hospital every weekend for three weeks to get an IV for dehydration and he never complained!  I am so grateful for such a wonderful husband who kept reminding me that I was doing well and that Alden and Anders were fine and knew they were loved, even when I couldn't play with them and take them out like normal.

Drew and the boys wrestling and goofing off

I have so much more sympathy for those who experience complications during pregnancy now.  I understand that it is hard to rest and that bed rest is nearly impossible with older kids but you do your best.  I know that I felt miserable and couldn't wait for the pregnancy to be over because I felt so uncomfortable and sick, but at the same time I felt guilty for wanting the pregnancy to be over because I knew our little girl needed more time to grow and be healthy.  I am glad that the doctors were able to help stop my labor and I am so grateful that my doctor listened to me and took my opinions into account when we discussed how to get me as far along in the pregnancy as possible.

I made it to 34 weeks on the medication, Procardia, that they used to stop my contractions before they decided that it was no longer safe for me to keep taking it.  The medication was causing me to feel light headed, have my heart race and I almost blacked out a few times.  I was grateful when I got to stop taking the medicine because I felt way better but I was also scared that our little girl would come before she was ready.  I was very grateful that I was able to continue the pregnancy for two more weeks after I stopped the medication and I made it to 36 weeks before our little girl came.

This pregnancy was one of the most challenging experiences of my life but I also learned a lot about myself and my family through the experience.  I learned that I have more strength than I thought to deal with pain and emotional turmoil.  I learned that in my hardest times turning to the Lord in prayer is where I find the most peace.  My family was always there to support us during this time, whether it was in phone calls, visits or prayers and their love was felt strongly as we fought to get through every day.  I cannot express enough gratitude to all of the people that helped us throughout the hard months of my pregnancy.  Whether it was my friends coming over late at night to help clean our empty apartment in South Carolina before we left there, or people bringing us meals every week for a month and a half, we had support and felt loved everywhere we were.  I am sure that I was able to make it through so much of the pregnancy because of all the help and support we received.  And because I was able to make it so long, our little girl arrived fairly healthy as I will talk about later.

16 weeks

32 weeks

34.5 weeks

 35 weeks (7 days before our little girl was born)

Alden's Birthday Party

Alden was super excited for his birthday and a party this year but because I was on bed rest and not able to do much we kept his party really low key.  The one thing Alden really wanted for his birthday was a pinata so we invited just a few friends over so that they could all hit the pinata and then have cake together.  Besides that we just had pizza and then Alden really wanted party hats so Drew folded a bunch and let Alden decorate them right before his party.  They didn't really stay on anyone's heads because they were so small but they made Alden happy which was the important part.

It was just great to see Alden happy and enjoying time with his friends.  They all had fun and played really well the whole time.  It turned out to be a great party and about what I could handle this year.

Alden decorating his party hats, which meant Anders wanted to use stamps and color too.

We just hung the pinata in our living room since Alden was the oldest kid, and had them hit it in there.

I loved how Alden tried to wear his party hat the whole time!

Alden was so excited to hit his pinata but was also really good at taking turns.

It was really funny to watch Alden try to keep his hat on his head, even while he was just sitting.

Anders was very tentative with the pinata.  He would hit it once and then pass the bat on to someone else.

All the kids had fun hitting the pinata and watching each other, although we did eventually have to help the pinata along with a knife because it was very solidly constructed.

 All the kids had one last time hitting the pinata.

 Alden got a couple extra swings and finally broke it open.

  At that point the big kids jumped right in to collect all the candy and toys they could grab.

After the kids played for awhile we got out the cake (store bought, since I couldn't stand long enough to decorate one) and sang to Alden.

Alden was so happy to get to blow out his candles and mostly he was happy that he got to celebrate his birthday with his friends!  I am glad that he got his little party and felt like it was special.